thanks for the confidence pt 2

Sunday, March 11

We were able to get to church and meet the ward. Everyone was very friendly and I couldn't believe how many people came up and offered to help with anything I needed. I was able to get a blessing, and it was so comforting.Duben is doing a little bit better today. His oxygen is down to 40%. He didn't remember that I was there the day before. He kept saying he was hungry, the poor guy hasn't eaten since Thursday night.Tonight he was more alert, it's nice we can write and talk, or just sit and hold hands and watch tv. I miss him.Hopefully tomorrow brings more answers.My aunt wrote me a great email about dealing with trials. She shared the story of someone who experienced trial after trial and he said when hard things happen he always looks up toward Heavenly Father and says, "Thanks for the confidence."I can do this.

Monday, March 12

Duben looked good this morning. His oxygen was at 40% and he was awake and looking good. The girl from the respiratory team was hopeful that he would be able to get the tube out. She was going to run a test to see how well he could breathe for half an hour first. If he did well he might get it out. He did perfect. One of the nurses told us not to get our hopes up because his chest x-rays still looked bad, but I didnt want to listen to that. Today was our day. The dr came in and said things did look good, but she wanted to wait just a little bit to watch his heart rate, because it was getting low. She was slowly taking him off his sedation to see if that was the cause. She also wanted the cardiovascular team to come have a look at him. HOURS later they finally showed up, but his heart rate had come back up at that point. Then, she finally gave the okay! It was awful for Duben to actually get it out, but then after....what a relief. Hearing him talk again brought tears to my eyes. We were so happy. Finally a win! I had missed him so much. I had been three days since I heard his voice. We've never gone that long since we started dating. What an emotional time that was.The doctors said he could even get out of the ICU in 24 hours, which would mean he could see the kids! I know how hard it is on him not to see them. Ainsley misses her daddy and he misses her.

Poor Duben still can't eat, dinner tonight was ice chips. I keep telling him, today was our turning point, good things were happening. I'm so glad we had a good day. I just feel happier knowing we made a little progress. We still have a ways to go though, so I don't want to expect too much.It's hard trying to split myself between him and the kids. I feel like I'm always neglecting someone. It's emotionally draining. What a day. It's exhausting running back and forth to the hospital all day. I just sit and worry about him and our situation. Its hard being helpless. I realized this weekend how heavily I rely on prayer. This experience has really helped me put things in perspective. Hopefully I am learning what I need to from all of these experiences. This has been the hardest week of my life. Going through a trial is hard, but going through it without Duben, that has been near impossible. I can't imagine my world without him. Going to bed each night without him was awful. I can't wait to get him home and get our lives back. I hope I never take it for granted.

Tuesday, March 13

Went to the hospital first thing in the morning and Duben was sitting in a chair! What a happy surprise. His occupational therapist came in and helped him get up and move. Such a small thing, but it is a big change for us. We're hoping to get out of the ICU today, so this is a good start. He's on a clear liquid diet right now, I've had to convince him to drink. Each improvement is a step closer to his recovery.Our doctor came in and gave us a breakdown of his current situation:- His port is causing problems and needs to come out as soon as he is stable enough. His arm has swelled and he was getting blood clots.-X-rays are looking better today.- We are out of the woods for his breathing, we just need to get this infection under control now.- One of the ideas of what happened was that Duben has bacterial pneumonia. He's had it for a while, but his blood counts have been so low, his body hasn't been able to fight it. It finally got so bad and thats when the breathing problems started. They gave him a shot to boost up his counts, and once that happened his body was able to fight the disease, which caused it to get inflamed and get worse. So now that he's healthy enough to fight it, its fighting back.

- He's letting us out of the ICU today!

While we waited his occupational therapist came back to take him for a little walk. It took like 20 minutes just to get his IVs under control and his oxygen ready. He was able to walk around his bed before he felt tired. He did great though. Its all about the little victories. It sure makes me appreciate all the things Im able to do everyday.We moved out of the ICU finally! Our new floor is so nice, I feel like we are starting over. They finally cleared off his IV pole and there are only 2 bags left. He had about 6 or 7 different bags at one time. I got to bring the kids up that night too. Ainsley was so excited to see Daddy.

It felt so good to be together as a family again.

I dont think we can say enough how much we appreciate all the prayers and support we've received. I have felt so much love from so many people and from our Heavenly Father. I know he hears and answers our prayers and is there to comfort us. I've felt that so strongly this week. Thank you!